Unfortunately, my family has had several health crises in the last year or so. After the first one, our family was talking and decided that if it was a test of our family crisis management skills, we overwhelmingly failed the test. Nothing has changed.
Now that we are on crisis #4, we each have our own role in our disastrous "management" plan. It would almost be humorous if the circumstances were different. Everyone calls each other haphazardly despite a phone tree, so either you don't get any information or you get it five times in succession. Presuming you do get the memo, our designated roles take over.
Person 1 is the communicator. Every phone conversation starts out "I don't know if you've talked to Person 1 yet, but..." Person 2 believes in rolling up her sleeves and digging in to help. Person 3 is the doomsday person. She has already planned all of our funerals three times over. Person 4 has some medical knowledge, so is always asking somewhat relevant questions. The problem with this is that someone or some people take these questions, twist them around, and then editorialize. The original "crisis" might be a stubbed toe, but by the time the family gets through with it, the person lost the toe and has bronchitis.
Where do I fit in? I am in a permanent state of denial. Is the patient dead? Is the patient going to die? Ok good, that's all I need to know. As soon as someone starts talking medical lingo, I completely shut down. This has its benefits. I do not get upset about all the crazy family rumors because I don't actually listen to them. The bad part is that I am in charge of giving medical information to other family members, and I can never answer any question other than if the patient is still in the hospital.
At least in times of crisis, we each know exactly what to expect from all the others. I just hope this is the last time that we have to go through it.
